The Engaged Idealist

Closing the Teach For America Blogging Gap
Jul 04 2014

Independence Day

Fourth of July. Our first experience with a three-day weekend. The kids were crazy, we were crazy… The weekend was much welcomed. I finally saw and spoke to my family for the first time in weeks. It sounds crazy since its only 20 mins. away but home seems so far. I feel bad neglecting my family and friends for now, but they’re mostly understanding. Its tough because I tell people I am teaching summer school and they brush it off as “so its like over at 12 pm and you’re tired? Try a real job.” Nobody understands how hard and tiring this is… unless they are here or have gone through. Yes, my students leave at 12:20 pm every day. No, that is not when I am “off the clock.” If anything that is when work begins.

So now, I am happy to be home. To set off fireworks, to barbeque, to just relax. I know I will regret it the moment I have to make copies but for now I am going to enjoy this.

In other news…
I have been following what is going on at SPU, and it has been 24 hours short of a month since everything happened. I can’t explain how time has been working. My head feels like it was eons ago, although my heart has not completely recovered. I can’t explain how important it is to take time to grieve, to write, to heal. Aaron Ybarra pleaded not guilty. When I got that news I locked myself away, did work, and went to bed ultra early because I just couldn’t handle it. It has been hard to explain to the support we have here just how much it affects me every single day, and yet they can’t understand. I feel guilty for not being a “team player” and I truly am trying. I don’t want pity I want this to just go away. I think being away from my Seattle home makes this that much harder.

Hence why I am so deeply grateful for my CMA group, especially my two “co-teachers.” They’re the absolute best and make me smile and feel involved even when I am so spacey. I will make it up to them somehow.

Time to go smile and relax and not think about anything too serious for 48 hours.

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